i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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