she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
