I could have mohawked her pubes.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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