i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
