We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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