Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
