I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
