By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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