god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
As shirtless as possible
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
