All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
