you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
