When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
