Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize