I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
