their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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