Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
3 2 1 whiskey
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
