apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
