woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
