You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We were destined to go to rehab together
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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