how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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