Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Help. Why am I so naked?
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