so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
