Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
