My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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