Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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