yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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