Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
