I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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