since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
