oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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