I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize