she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
