You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
