so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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