How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
