Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
