This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
