your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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