oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
