I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
