I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
