Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
