He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
