He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
