How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is it because I queefed?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
