Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
