Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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