Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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