Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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