8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
