Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
How's work?
Spinning.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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