who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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