dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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