You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
