sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
