I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
