I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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