looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
