I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
