My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
