writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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